Archive for May, 2009
I don’t know about you but I like to move through life with a degree of anonymity and living in New York is good for that. Except when you find out that Harvard scientists have discovered “Super-Recognizers,” freakish humans with an uncanny ability to recognize and remember faces TWO DECADES later.
Seriously, search “super recognizers” under Google News. Basically you can’t hide from these mutants. They will see you and remember being introduced for two seconds at that party a year ago, and now they want you to stop and talk or shake your hand, or they’ll approach you from across the room and want to know why you left the next morning without saying goodbye, oh, say three years ago!
We should make black bar sunglasses. Oh shit they have.
And then I super recognized AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds in my head, hey look! It’s….
Read the rest of this entryMan. Remember yesterday when I was bitching about people not calling me back? They still haven’t called. So guess what? Instead of sitting around masturbating all day- I masturbated and made a crossword!
Yes, that’s right, I made a crossword. I sat down with a ruler and a good pen and I drew it up so you could print it off and do it in your own time.
First person to post a copy to the office gets a free t-shirt. If the answers are right- even better.
The office address is in the front of the mag somewhere, you’ll find it.
The last word in clue #21 is ‘Prison’ I made a boo-boo. Good luck!
“Touch my Bum/This is Life”? How the hell did we miss this? Wait! How’d we find this?
This show will really be worth checking out because our buddy Riley is in it! Riley can draw really good.
Fuuuuuuuuck waiting for people to call you back.
That’s the worst thing about making a living from Q&A- waiting for fools to hit you back.
That and the knowledge that you are a worthless little fish sucking plankton off the ass of a bigger fish. Actually, thats not true. It’s a flawlessly symbiotic relationship. You get some work- They get to talk about themselves- Benefits all round. If you’re really clever you can use “journalism” to ingratiate yourself and elevate your profile. One-by-one your subjects become rungs on the golden ladder to notoriety and pretty soon you’re the one not returning calls. This hasn’t worked for me yet because most people genuinely don’t like me in view of the fact that I can’t disguise my utter contempt for them.
Let’s make no bones about it- People suck balls. Big balls.
Here’s an Oldie but a goody.
Thank God, Cass is releasing a new album for us to thread our languid summer days onto… Here’s the single featuring Karen Black blowing up the spot.
You know what I was thinkin’ the other day? How funny was it when you were 19-20 years old and you had your first serious girlfriend/boyfriend who you did it with all the time, and then you go through that phase of tying each other up during sex. Know what I’m talking about? Just thinkin’ you’re all sexy n’ shit, blindfolding one another and getting out the handcuffs you bought at Ricky’s. Lighting some candles to dribble into the carpet and putting on The Lost Boys soundtrack… It’s pretty funny when you think about it. I’d never dream of attempting something so contrived now. No sir. These days it’s straight missionary with the lights off and the socks on.
Anyway, that was something I thought about. Here’s an interview we did!
Sorry for spelling your name wrong Frankie. Great chatting with you.
We received a flurry of letters regarding that whole Francis Bacon/Greta Garbo thing from yesterday. Here’s two-
Dear Ed,
After reading your recent plea on WOOOOOMAG.COM I felt compelled to write you in a very humble tone that cannot be conveyed by email or emotacons and tell you the Greta Garbo reference pertains to the “I Want to be Alone” quote she famously said in one of her movies. So the author is making a cultural reference to Bacon’s solitary manner. Further more, “To Come Up Trumps” colloquially means to actually get what you want or to have success or luck. In future please keep the WOOOOOMAG site up to the standard that we all have come to be accustomed.
p.s The shoes you have on today make you look Fruity.
Love and “Good Day Sir.”…..”I said, Good Day Sir” kisses
Nitpick from Melbourne.
And…
Hopefully this is the right email address to write to with the answer to your Greta Garbo question. In the 1932 film “Grand Hotel” Greta Garbo’s character says “I want to be alone.” It is a relatively famous line. If you go 27 seconds into this clip, you’ll see it.
I loved Wooooo 6, by the way.
Joe Bear
We still think it’s weird to mention Greta Garbo in a 500 word artcle about Francis Bacon just because she famously said she wanted to be alone… What do you think?
It’s a long weekend so we’re leaving you with not one, but two today.
Do you know what your Memorial Day weekend needs? 3 wheelers!
Did you know 4 wheelers used to have just 3 wheels! We didn’t either. All-terrain vehicles or ATCs were the rage in the 80s. One of the staffers at Wooooo actually rode them! He grew up in Florida. Weird. Here’s what he had to say:
“Donuts. Wheelies. The hum of knobby bubble wheels. We’d ride round and round a figure eight that had been carved into some sand dunes. It was like riding into infinity.”
These guys miss 3 wheelers too:
Did anyone read that article in the Post yesteday about the upcoming Francis Bacon retrospective at the met? Click here to read it and then please tell me why this reference is relevant: “Like Greta Garbo, Bacon wanted to be alone, preferring to paint from photos instead of the real thing.”
I searched all over for any clue as to why Greta Garbo got a mention in that article but I came up trumps. Please tell me what i’m missing.
The only thing I can think of is Barbara Hoffman is taking the piss OR she did it for a bet.
This song needs to go for at least another 6 minutes.
Have a rad weekend!
Todd Lamb is a talented son of a so-and-so. He writes, directs and generally makes funny.
He also won an Emmy ‘n shit!
Todd’s probably a little more famous for interviewing Natas Kaupas in the latest issue of everyone’s favorite sporadically published interview based journal- Wooooo!
We caught up with Todd recently… on the internet. And then we laid it all down on classy leopard skin at his request.
Heeeeeeeeeres Todd!
Hey trippers. You know when you’re reading an article about some shit going down in the middle east and you get to a name like ‘Abdullah Gulam Rasoul’ or something like that? Do you actually read the name or do your eyes do a little bunny-hop over it? I just jump them. It’s not like I’m gonna be telling someone about an article I read concerning the Guantanamo military commission or the sitch in Pakistan: “Well the thing is, dude, the Taliban has advanced, like, crazy-close to Islamabad recently, so, like, Pakistan needs to man-up and… blah, blah” Can you imagine how boring that’d be? I’d have to punch my own head in.
Here’s your weekly Sexy Octaganarian!
Ursula was retarded-hot, but now she’s crazy-old. Makes you think.
In other news: mercury is retrograding like a bitch, but don’t worry, it’s all over next monday.
Thanks Ben G for sending us this awesomely ridiculous ad from the 80′s!
Hey hippy. How’s your monday going so far? Good? Good. What’d you get up to on the weekend? We took it easy mostly.
1994 was a great year… Except that bit in April when Kurt Cobain killed himself. That sucked. I still remember where I was when I found out. I was having my first cup of instant coffee, standing in the kitchen and looking out at the morning. The phone rang and my teary eyed roommate rushed in to tell me Kurt had shot himself in the head. I shrugged and said “So?” because I was afraid there was a hug coming on. She stormed off to her room and put on Nevermind, drew her blinds and lit some candles (really).
Then all my buddies started calling. They were legitimately disturbed so we had a party in my bedroom.
In those days I had a bucket-bong behind my bedroom door that I’d break out on special occasions. It had four or five dead glow-sticks and a Skeletor floating around in it and it stank like an enormous bong, which is what it was.
Around noon my friends started rolling up one-by-one and we took it to the bucket for the entire afternoon.
If you enjoyed being dragged down my memory lane and would like to go down again- Please email me and I’ll send you some more of my fantastically compelling recollections from the 90′s!
Hey, what’s up. Had a birthday yesterday and decided it was best not to do anything but eat. Like, really eat.
We’re gonna wack up a couple of new interviews after the weekend, so stay tuned and don’t be a turd-burger.
‘Saturday Dave’ sent us this today and it’s so funny. We watched ten in a row and couldn’t stop laughing. It does not get old.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you’ve already seen it because you’re totally, totally on top of it.
Here’s something else you already know about- Jonathan Fire*Eater. This is about as ‘old news’ as it gets, however, it seems like a bunch of you young people have absolutely no idea who JFE are and we think you’re missing out.
So here’s the scoop- They’re awesome. Their third and final album ‘Wolf Songs for Lambs‘ is brilliant and we had a lot of trouble choosing a song to showcase here because they’re all really good.
One of THE most underrated bands in history. It’s absolutely fucking mind-blowing that they didn’t become huge.
Another band worth checking out is Effluvium. They changed my life.
That was infantile. Sorry. Seriously though. Fire*Eater are awesome.
While we’re throwing out the recommendations- ‘Crown of Creation’ by Jefferson Airplane is one of the all-time most overlooked classics in the history of rock.
Do yourself a favor and listen to the single ‘Lather’
We guarantee you’ll bolting down to the record store to get your own copy of this one. Claaaaaaasssic.
One of the best things about telling everyone you’re a writer is reading without feeling like you should be doing something more productive… like writing.
When you’re a man of letters, like myself, reading is actually working. My onetime/sometime mentor Jamie Brisick gave me the green light when he said “The best thing you can do right now is read your ass off!”
So, right now I’m loosening the bolts that keep my ass in place with The Log from the Sea of Cortez co authored by John Steinbeck and his best buddy, marine biologist Ed Ricketts. It’s a six-week booze-cruise in the Gulf of California poorly dressed as a specimen-collecting expedition. That may sound like a harsh evaluation but the fact remains that Ed and John liked to drink, and drink they did. If the beer consumption documented in Cannery Row is anything to go by you can bet your sweet balls they were both completely shit-faced, stumbling about the deck with their pants round their ankles in this one.
Pick up a recent edition of The Log, but be sure to read the preface ‘About Ed Ricketts’ first. Oddly, it’s been moved to the back of the book. Also, you should read Cannery Row if you haven’t already… I’m just say’n.
How annoying are those people that wake up and say, “I had the strangest dream last night…” and then walk you through the queer minutiae of said dream as if it’s interesting?
Last night I dreamt about werewolves. As a child I would dream about being attacked by cats with wooden heads and nonsensical stuff like that, but now that I’m all growns up I dream about werewolves, vampires and other folkloric shape-shifters.
So, last night I dreamt about some dude in his early 20′s who was a werewolf and I had to kill him with a silver dagger before the ‘other’ werewolves came to get me. I couldn’t kill him because I’m a pussy, and then from all around I could hear the unholy baying of his buddies. I woke up drenched in sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep for at least 45 seconds. The end. Thanks for listening.
If you have an interesting dream please write us! And be sure to put ‘My Dream’ in the subject heading so we can immediately delete it.
When I was 15 I thought this was a lady taking off her clothes and, in accordance with nature, duly rubbed out triple figures.
Now, many years later, I know all there is to know about the crying game…
Great song though!
Too busy. We’re pinned under a truck today, guts coming out the nose and everything. Look at this picture and pretend we wrote something that explains why we posted it…
One day while skating down the street I saw JD Ferguson and stopped to say hello. He asked if he could take a look at my board and I handed it to him, thinking “This ought to be funny! He’s never ridden a skateboard before!”
But it wasn’t funny. It was amazing.
He took off down the street with the effortless grace of someone who’d been skating their entire lives, and then he disappeared around the corner.
JD is one of those annoying people that just happen to be good at everything they turn their hand too. If you’re familiar with JD’s blog you know he’s an excellent photographer, a born scribe, unnervingly handsome and enormously gay. But did you know he was also once a teenage rodeo prodigy? He was! And he was a very successful male model! The list is as endless as it is enviable. Read on… Girlfriend.
Interview: Jason Crombie
Photos: JD Ferguson’s private collection.
Heeeeeeey! What’s goin’ on?
Hey girl. I’m, you know, trying to find a way to make money!
Aren’t we all? What have you been doing today?
I shot this really hot Brazilian boy who’s really popular on the web. He was in town and I had a space available to me so I thought I’ll have some fun for a change and shoot somebody hot, but it was like a dead intro.
What do you mean?
Like, stiff and not fun and not into my flow.
Bummer. So tell everyone what you do. You’re primarily a photographer, right?
I’m trying to be a photographer, I mean, I haven’t ever committed or focused on being an actual editorial photographer.
Why?
Because I’ve been so busy shooting parties and shooting boys. Stoned. Just trying to make money. But, if I had the space and somebody would give me a budget I would probably be an editorial photographer.
Can we talk about when you were a Cowboy?
Yeah, sure.
Where was that? Actually, first tell me where you were born.
Well, I was born in Missouri but… Have you heard my whole spiel about where I’m from?
I don’t think so.
I was born in Missouri but I lived there five minutes, I grew up in Napa California, I went to high school in Arkansas. During college I lived in Dallas one year, Austin five. I was in Houston three years. I was in DC for three years and then I was in New York for four. Then I moved to Miami and for, like eight years and I did six months in Miami and six months in Europe. Then I was back in New York for…
Holly shit! You’ve lived all over the place!
I know! I really don’t consider myself from anywhere! I kinda think of Arkansas as home because my parents live there and that’s where I had close friends from high school, but I’ve just been fucking everywhere.
Is that where you were a cowboy? Arkansas? Roping cows?
I was in high school rodeo. When I was in high school out there I lived on a ranch and I got into jackpot barrel racing, which is really funny because that’s what all the girls do. And then I met this family, like a professional rodeo family, and I started roping calves with them, and I did that in Napa California.
Wow.
I was maige* girl! You saw my finger right? The one that got bitten off by a donkey?
Why did the donkey bite off your finger?
Because I was operating on it.
What?
No, seriously. We had fifty wild burros donated to this ranch I worked at and we had to separate the jennies from the studs…
Is a jenny a girl donkey?
Yeah. So we had to separate them and castrate the males, and I was the one person that was like “Okay, they’re really dangerous you guys. Watch your fingers, watch your fingers.” And then I was the one that got it bit off.
It bit the end of your finger off!
Yeah.
How do you castrate a donkey?
You tie their hind legs apart and you tie their front legs to their head, you make an incision and then you pull down the scrotal cord, then you cut it and sew them back up.
Aaaaaaaaagh!
Everyone I tell that to is like “Well I woulda bit your finger too!”
You’re lucky it was just your finger.
They took skin off my butt when they fixed it, so now when I scratch my face I’m scratching my ass at the same time.
Did you know you were gay back then?
I guess I knew, but I was really closeted. And then I had a nervous breakdown-slash- first rehab when I was eighteen and it kinda came out there… that the problem was that I wanted to suck cock, basically. I’ve never looked back since!
Great! Tell me about your modeling career. Can we talk about that?
Oh yeah, yeah! I’m just having a casual conversation with my girlfriend!
Cool. So how’d you become a model?
Well, lets see… I was waiting tables at Union Square Café when I was like twenty five and somebody said “Oh, you should try modeling” which had never really occurred to me, but I thought, “Well, what better time to do anything you wanted to do than when your twenty five and living in New York City?” y’know?
Yeah, of course.
So I went to a commercial agency, CED (Cunningham Ascot Depene,) and I booked jobs! At that time I was already sick of New York so I went down to south beach for one season and got a bartending gig. I thought, “I’ll just come down here and be in the sun.” and I actually worked a lot, like, doing commercial jobs, commercial print jobs.
Right.
And then I was like, “Fuck paying taxes in New York and coming to Miami in the winter. I’ll just live in Miami.”
You moved down to Miami.
Yeah. So I did really well in Miami commercially. Miami was a big market back then, it was really kinda happening. So I worked commercially for about three years and then I met a big model, a fashion model, and he introduced me to traveling abroad. I went to Europe and then got agencies in every country: Munich, Hamburg, London, Barcelona, Paris, Australia, South Africa, and then I worked a lot.
Why’d you stop?
Being gay and being a model was a really big mind-fuck for me, not that I was a big queen on set, but…
What? Why would that be a problem?
Well, I did my time with Eddie Bauer, Lands End, and then finally landed the mother of all clients because they used you for twenty years and paid five thousand dollars a day. But my days were numbered. Once they found out I was gay they just dropped me, so…
Are you serious?
Yeah, and then I became really jaded and turned off of modeling.
So then what’d you do?
So then I met Stephen (Gan) at V Magazine and he offered me a job, so I never considered going back to modeling again. But now that I’m broke it’s like a godsend. I’m really happy about it.
You’re lucky you’re a good-looking dude. My mom’s into you.
Everyone’s mom seems to be into me!
It’s the silvery mane.
It’s good money that silver hair.
Let me ask you something.
What?
Did you ever hook up with Stephen Gan?
God no! No. It’d be like lesbian sex. He’s totally my girlfriend.
Have you ever been with a lady?
Never!
Really?
Never! There was one time, like, when I was in the club scene, dealing ecstasy, in Dallas, there were all these straight guys and I’d be really close with them and…
Like, close friends you mean?
Yeah, but then they’d start getting feelings for me and then they’d be like “Oh I can’t be friends with you! I have feelings for you!” And I thought that was so stupid, but then one time I was (on ecstasy) with this girl and I started having those feelings…
What feelings?
For the first time ever I was having feelings like “Oh my god! I could totally have sex with her!” And I was totally freaked out and I did what all those guys did to me and I ended the friendship.
Dude. That’s terrible.
Yeah! I was totally freaked out!
*Major.
If you enjoyed that you should check out our new issue here!
The Selby. He goes into interesting people’s homes and takes pictures.
I also go into interesting people’s homes, but I don’t take pictures. I take things. Hur.
Since The Selby launched theselby.com in June, 2008, he’s blown right-the-heck-up and now his hobby is his job. Lucky bastard.
Wooooo chatted with The Selby yesterday to see what he’d say about some stuff.
Interview: Jason Crombie.
Photos: The Cobrasnake.
Should I call you Todd or The Selby?
Call me whatever you want, man.
Is everyone else calling you The Selby though?
People call me Selby.
Just Selby? Not The Selby?
Just Selby. Gym teacher style, you know.
Do you think you’ll reach a point where everyone refers to you as The Selby? Like The Edge or The Chairman of Hyundai?
Who?
The chairman of Hyundai. He makes everyone call him ‘The Chairman,’ even his wife and kids! Will you do that?
Well… I’m not a chairman but they could call me ‘The.’
Why did you start The Selby?
I started because I wanted to do a personal project. I’d been an editorial photographer for about eight years before I started it, and I always wanted to do my own thing.
Right.
You know, and if you wanna do some sort of personal photography project it’s kinda hard to do something that’s interesting to other people and isn’t a cliché. I used to work at Details in 2001 and I went to night school to study photography and then on weekends I took pictures of my friends at their houses and stuff like that.
Okay.
And I kinda thought that’s what I’ve always been into so I formulated this… this thing. Is that a pretty good explanation?
Yeah. I think so. So that was back when you were just ‘Todd.’
Yeah.
Is it weird going into people’s homes?
No. I was a photographer for eight years before and you’re doing shoots every week where you’re going into people’s houses and stuff, you know? I actually did quite a bit of work for New York Magazine for a while there, and we were shooting on the subway, shooting on the street… I’m quite comfortable going into any weird situation.
What about for the people you visit? Are they generally cool or do they get nervous?
Well, it’s pretty low-key. I go by myself, they give me a tour, and it’s very natural. People tend to have fun, you know? It’s very collaborative.
Do you ever turn up to anyone’s house and it’s a total mess? Probably not, right? They know you’re coming over.
No, no, there are actually some real messy ones. I actually think that’s quite cool when people don’t clean up.
Really? Like dishes in the sink and stuff?
Yeah! Look at Isabelle McNally. I don’t think she tidied up that much. Dirty laundry on the ground, you know. It’s cool. I appreciate that.
Because it’s them, being themselves, at home?
Yeah.
Did Michael Stipe make you wear paper shoes and gloves when you went to his place?
Why would he do that?
I’ve just heard he does that. I heard he’s a clean freak.
Does his house look like he’s a clean freak?
I don’t know.
He’s most definitely not. He’s not.
No?
He has a collection of hand sanitizers… ah, Wet-Naps.
He’s got a Wet-Nap collection?
He’s got a collection of Wet-Naps. You know, like they give you on the plane?
Yeah. So he collects sanitary towels?
I think he’s saving them for one of his friends. He’s going to give it to one of his friends when he’s got enough of them, or something.
He’s not giving them to guests and spraying Glade everywhere?
No, no.
Out of all the places you’ve visited, whose pad would you want to move into the most?
Ah, well, I photographed someone who lives on a boat.
Nice!
But I don’t wanna say who because it’s going to be part of my book.
There’s a book?
Yeah, I got a book coming out in April, 2010.
Cool! So who had the poorest apartment?
I’m not gonna answer that.
Just give me some initials.
I think everyone’s got a pretty nice apartment. I think it’d be a step in the right direction if I traded apartments with anyone on my website.
Has anyone come over to your apartment and photographed you and all your stuff?
No. I’ve gotten a lot of requests for that but I always say no. I think I will one day but I want to have something to hold out for.
Whose apartment smelled the weirdest?
Whose apartment smelled the weirdest?
Yeah.
Smelled weirdest… I don’t know. No one pops into my head.
All right, I think that’s it. Thank you, The Selby!
Wicked.
You can’t afford to let Dave Navarro ruin this album for you. We broke it out this morning for the first time in over a decade and it’s just brilliant. Seriously. Put it on. You don’t have to tell your winklepicker wearing friends.
By the way, this whole west coast 90′s mystic-surf-punks-on-heroin thing? It’s definitely coming back. Mark our words.
Remember when we predicted the return of that whole ’2 Hype’ day-glo rapper thing? No? Fuck off, you remember that.
Ahhh, another Saturday bites the dust. And what better way to end the day than with a bag of chips and an entire bottle of Malbec.
If you were out and about today you may have seen a guy with a yellow bicycle and a supernaturally cool hat tearing down 2nd Ave. That was me, off to meet a man about a dog… and by dog I mean marijuana. Just kidding. There’s no hope in dope.
HEY! Check out this great interview with Todd Bratrud.
Look at this! New issue of THE best skate, surf, art, culture and all that other stuff magazine- MONSTER CHILDREN!
You should buy this because we did some stuff in it… and by ‘we’ I mean the editor- Crombie… and by ‘Crombie’ I mean ‘Me’
The editor (me) will pretty much do anything for money these days, and here’s proof-
