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September 2nd, 2009
Great name for a band isn’t it? Well, it’s not a band. It’s just Wednesday and I wanna talk about sharks.
I love sharks. I’m pretty sure everyone here at the office loves them too. They’re just such wondrously evil bastards of things, aren’t they?
To be honest, I don’t really like ‘Shark Week’ though. The presenters on all those shark shows talk like what I imagine a rapist would talk like, and I can’t stand it.
Just show me some fucking sharks, play a bit of cello, and shut your stupid rape-mouth.
One time I was walking down the street in Brooklyn and I came across a stack of about eight shark books sitting on a trash can. I took them home with me and found roughly thirty years worth of shark related newspaper clippings stuck in their pages!
It was an incredibly vast and meticulously gathered archive, so you know what I did?
I lost the whole fucking thing. I can’t find it anywhere, and I feel like a miserable top-shelf turd burrito for it.
By the way, make sure you’re not eating your lunch when you google ‘shark attack’ for your shark related blog entry. There’s some gnarly, meaty, gag inducing stuff out there. For example- DO NOT click here.
Did you click there? Pretty bad, right? Well, as horrifying is that is, I still dig the fact that us and sharks are always eating each other.
You didn’t know that? What do you think is in a Filet-O-Fish? Fugu? Guess again. It’s shark. Look it up.
And what do you think their tartar sauce is made out of? Mayonnaise with finely chopped pickled cucumber, capers, onions, and fresh parsley?
BZZZZZT! It’s made out of cum. Hot, viscid, salty cum.
Don’t worry, this video is just scary. No blood… or is there?
