Fucking Thursday.
Hey, I just discovered a Manic Street Preachers song that exonerates Richard Nixon. At least I think it does…
Anyway, I hope they’re being facetious. Nixon was like every other president we’ve ever had- Scum. No offense.
Speaking of Presidents- Someone called President Obama ‘Judas’ yesterday, during yet another healthcare reform speech. A senator from Carolina became so heavily incensed by Obama’s round-the-clock welshing on pre-induction promises, that he cried out, “Judas” from up the back of the room.
This prompted folk-zombie Pete Seeger to hobble out of the woodwork, in signature dungarees and chalky translucent skin, and attempt to cut the President’s microphone cord with an axe. “That guy’s a no good Judas!” groused Seeger, through a mouthful of grapes, during a press conference held later that day at the Four Seasons.
Last week Seeger reportedly snuck into the Chateau Marmont and greedily gobbled down two fruit baskets meant for Zack Efron. The heart-throb claims to have not noticed the missing baskets, as he has more than he can count. A disoriented Seeger was later seen coiling out what an onlooker described as a “really gross, glow-in-the-dark, old man turd” while singing ‘This Land is Your Land’ on the Venice Beach boardwalk.
In other news- Ray Romano has allegedly died from an overdose of punches-in-the-head administered by me in a dream I had last night. Said I, “It was such a wonderful dream! There I was, joyfully raining Ray Romano’s bloodied crown with hateful blows!” A source close to Romano claims that the monotone-voiced star “had it coming” on account of being the world’s most irritating “person”.

And now, please put your hands together for… The Poons!