It’s 7:49 and I’m on cup No. #2. Can you imagine a world without coffee? I can, and it’s a real shit-hole.
Monday is almost my favorite day of the week to wake up, suck down a coffee, read the papers-the papers and get on with it.
You know why? Because it’s a new week! A new start! Another chance to get it right.
Unfortunately I’m getting it wrong already- I can’t decide on anything to talk about. The return of exstacy? That racist thing that happened in Australia? Why the pigeons have suddenly decided that my AC is a primo location for backing one out?
I’ll go with pigeons.
Why have they (the pigeons), after all these years, decided to descend on my Air Con and cover it in a thick blanket of merde?
Filthy. I was looking into buying an air-rifle yesterday. I figure I’ll start picking the squalid bastards off one by one.
Or better yet- an air-pistol! I can think of nothing better than parking myself on the couch first thing in the morning, the window wide open, coffee in one hand, Gamo PT-80 Tactical Air-pistol in the other, taking potshots at the rat-birds.
This evil little bastard has a laser system! Six feet away with a laser? That’s fish in a barrel, baby!
Dirty, filthy little fish in a barrel, and I am going to kill them. Kill them to death. Or at least wind them. HAHAHAHAH.

And when I’m finished with the pigeons I’ll take aim at my pet Fennec Fox. Just kidding. How cute is this little bugger though?
I can’t believe that there’s a big eared fox you can keep as a pet! Apparently they get along well with other pets, but because of their enormously playful and energetic nature they tend to tire them out. They also have a habit of hiding food and borrowing into furniture. Serious.

For the record, I would never, ever shoot an air rifle at an animal that wasn’t a pigeon or a rat.
I would use one of these-

What? It’s just a pellet-gun! They don’t even hurt… much. And I’d never use a Fennec Fox as a shooting target.
I’d use him to round up the cat… but then again, the cat would probably just fuck with him.

This is awesome. A pair of wild foxes playing on a trampoline.

Aaaaaaaand I’m out.