Cigarettes are excellent. I don’t smoke them anymore, but when I did, my god, did I adore them.
I started on John Player Specials when I was about 16 and then moved on to Chesterfiels, Pall Malls, Benson & Hedges Extra lights, Marlboro 100s, filterless Camels, and then finally settled on what would become my one true love throughout the 90′s- Peter Styvesant lights, or “Styvos”
I was a two-pack-a-week man in those days. I’d have my first one around noon and then one every two hours or so after that. I loved a cigarette after dinner, or after sexual intercourse with a lady, or with a cold beer and a bullshit session. But most of all I liked a salty-lipped one, sitting in the sun after a dip in the sea. Ahhh… You know what I’m talking about.
When I turned 27 I quit because of a pact I’d made with myself years before- If I wasn’t dead or rich by 27 I’d give the fags up…
and quit smoking too. Nyuk, nyuk.
The first week of no smokes was pretty hideous- moodiness, bizarre laughing fits, I couldn’t shit to save my life, coffee tasted stupid, etc… but then after that it was smooth sailing.
I saw this ad in the back of an old magazine this morning, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same one that turned me onto Styvos in the first place. It’s absolutely brilliant. Why wouldn’t you smoke?
Oh yeah. Mouth cancer.

Watch this commercial from the 80′s and tell me you don’t want a cigarette… or an underwater adventure with a beautiful woman… or just a blow job behind a bus shelter. What? you know what I mean. Seriously though, why wouldn’t you smoke?
Oh yeah. Eye Herpes.