It’s snowing heavily here in NY… again… so I’m indoors, planning my spring look. You may remember last year I wore cut off denim shorts, a ratty old t-shirt, and Vans without any sox. You may also remember that ensemble from the previous year, and maybe even the year before that. Well, this year I’m shifting the whole “Undercover Agent on Venice Beach” look into second gear.
Let me run you through it, top-to-toe.

Hat.
Yes, I’ll be wearing a hat again this season. Possibly a masonic fez. No one else has the nuts to sport one of these upturned flower pots, so it may as well be me. I’m not afraid of the freemasons.

Shades.
So long symmetricalness. Set the coordinates for Awesome. Zow! While you’re all marching to the beat of the Ray-ban Army, I’ll be kiiiiiiiiiilling it all summer in these sweet lopsided shits.

A mother-fucking cape.

Lakers Jersey.
Oh no you didn’t wear a Lakers jersey in Knicks town! Oh yes I did… or will. Just wait and see how many cats get on Ebay now and try to score a vintage Magic Johnson tank. They’re all gone, fool. I boughts ‘em. Larry Bird too.

House Shorts.
Also known as “cut-offs.” Hey, if it aint broke- don’t fix it, and when you’ve got pins like mine, it definitely aint broke.

Awesome belt buckles.
I’ll be wearing all three of these simultaneously, with one really long, hand-tooled leather belt, that describes my life story in pictograms.

Shoes: No Shoes.
Back to nature… and possibly guinea worm. If it’s good enough for Cat Weasel, it’s good enough for me. If it gets too gnarly, I’ll just score a pair of these “Jumbo Gory Feet.”

So that’s my summer outfit all worked out. As you can see, I’m going to look pretty amazing, and not a little bit insane. But this is New York City! If you can’t dress like an alcoholic magician here, then where?

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