I know, I know. Where’s the next issue?
You must be tuned into our glacial publishing schedule by now. If you’re not, here’s how we cook:
Firstly, we do very little. Then we stir in a pinch of apathy left over from the 90′s and let sit for twelve months. After that, we coat the whole thing liberally with ennui, sprinkle with a little dissonance, strain through a tennis racquet made of hate, and then off it goes to the printers.
I don’t know what to tell you. It’s winter and we’re in a recession. It’s 28ºF here. That’s -2º celsius. It’s not uncommon to see burst fire hydrants frozen in mid flow, eyelids frosted shut, or pigeons modeling dead rats as stoles. And I’ve had to get a real job! I’m toweling off the upholstery at Scores on 59th Street. It’s okay. The girls give me bumps when I feel tired, and George Clooney said hello to me again last night, so that was nice.
Maaan, we are working on a new issue. It’ll appear when you least expect it. Possibly at your 30th wedding anniversary, but It’s coming.
Shut up.
Now, let’s talk about a more pressing matter of tardiness: Why haven’t I.D. Magazine, National Geographic Adventure, Giant Magazine, Metropolitan Home, Gourmet, Cookie, Southern Accents, Vibe, Portfolio, Blender, Best Life, Travel & Leisure Golf, Hallmark Magazine, Domino, Teen, Wondertime, Plenty, Electronic Gaming Monthly, Country Home, Atlanta Peach, PC Magazine, SI Latino, Cottage Living, O at Home, Men’s Vogue, Radar, CosmoGirl, or Playgirl released an issue lately? Huh? I’ll tell you why: ’cause they’re fucking lazy. Apparently they don’t even turn up at the empty space where their offices used to be. Terrible.