Winter sucks so bad they should just call it “Suck.” Spring, Summer, Autumn, Suck.
Here’s a picture of our friend Sterling’s bicycle under a great white pile of suck. Ha! Suck it Sterls. Lucky for me, my bike got crushed by Chinese lorry drivers months ago. It was chained up on the same post you see below, but somehow it found it’s way into the gutter where it was destroyed by jealous Chinese lorry drivers. I’m not making that up; Chinese men, driving lorries, destroyed my yellow bike. No, I didn’t see them, but I’d bet my balls on their Chineseness. It was Chinatown, after all.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Chinese. I lived in Chinatown for five years and they were very cool with me. They spat a little more than was necessary, and, yes, I contracted a vicious case of pigeon-eye, but Chinatown was great; my neighbors bbq’d on their roof all summer long, and hurled scraps to me on my balcony, I was only called a “white devil” once the whole time I lived there, and the nights were very tranquil in Chinatown. No one made a ruckus. You don’t mess with the Chinese in their hood; they’ll fix you up good.

Now! Here’s episode 2 of your new favorite show: Everybody Loves Melrose!

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