This entry was posted on Thursday, March 4th, 2010 at 2:33 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
March 4th, 2010
Hello friends. I’m sick. I got a cold; that’s why there’s been nothing new for a while. No one cares about me when I have a cold.
My girlfriend just says, “you’re not that sick.” Meanwhile I’m pissing green spaghetti and breathing a lemon yellow mist.
I’m fucking sick, man.
Tonight I was reminded again that the movie Weird Science is the greatest movie ever when I met a teenage kid who could recite the whole script word-for-word. Last year I had a challenging round of Weird Science quote tennis with Nieratko via email. He was pretty good, but this kid tonight blew my mind. He was still swimming round in his old man’s sack when I first saw the film, and here he was killing me with quotes. It’s interesting to note that women don’t stand around quoting funny movies like men do. Why?
And why don’t they make engine noises when they’re telling car or motorcycle stories? What are they up to?
What are you up to, women folk?
Anyway, as you can see I’m sick. What little word-power I possessed has been syphoned from me like so much pus from the spine of a corpse; yes, they suck the pus out of your spine when you die.
Last night I was tossing and turning, trying to sleep, and I got hung up on this thought: what if I run into Joan Didion and accidentally let it slip that I’ve been passing myself off as a writer. And then what if she visits this fucking blog? Or worse yet, what if she ordered the last two issues and a t-shirt like Mandy Reese of Oakland California did this morning (cheers Mandy. It’s in the mail)
What if I meet Tom Wolfe at a party and he asks me what I do? What if you all find out I’m a fraud? What if the moon explodes and bits of rock come hurtling at the earth and destroy Johnny Depp’s island before I can get there? What if spiders are really aliens? What if god was one of us? What would you do if you crapped the worlds largest diamond? Who would you tell? Would they try to steal your ass?
See? I’m sick. How else can you explain that warped screed I just vomited? I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m just mucous and bad feelings.
There’s your words for today. I’m going back to bed.
Here’s a song that’s kind of about being sick.