How’s that for an epigraph?! Joan Didion’s rolling in her grave- and she aint even dead yet! Oh!
Yeah, I know I’m no Mark Twain, but this tickled me pink. Come on! Didion? UFC? Get serious, bro.

Speaking of JD, I’m pretty sure I helped her across the street last week at 66th and 3rd. Was that you Joan? I’m in two minds about it: It sure as hell looked like you, but then… No way. As if you’d be standing on the corner waiting for a bright handsome stranger to help you cross. If it was you, sorry for pushing you in the bushes and taking your purse. Just kidding.
Actually, there’s no way it was Joan; this woman was just too heavy. Joan Didion is built like a kite.
I will spot her eventually, though. And when I do I’ll scream out, “Hey Didion! You SUUUUUUCK!” even though I love her. You know who else I love? That Kristen Wiig! She cracks me up more than any man ever has, and that’s saying something… something very sexist, actually…

In other news: Why is this still soooooo good?