Of course I didn’t go see it; that’s a major Pandora’s box situation right there. What if you liked it? What if it made you want Rollerblades and share-plates and cup-cakes and dick?
It could happen.
Best not to lift the lid on that one.
More importantly: Thursday, 9PM Eastern Standard, Lakers/Celtics playoffs. Get with it. Get on it. Grow a wang (penis mention #2).

I’m doing my best to make up for lost time right now, bye the way… I know I haven’t been there for you lately; it’s been hard. I feel like you’ve changed, or maybe I’ve changed… something’s different and I don’t know how to make it feel like it used to… Sorry for lazing on the posts.
Anyway, we just found the new spot: Orange Valve!
OV is awesome. It’s like Blade Runner with orange plastic, and they have everything! $1 Jello Shots (for real), Karaoke… actually, that’s it: $1 Jello Shots and Karaoke. Plus- everything’s orange and made out of plastic….
It’s heaven; AND completely douche free, or at least it was tonite (if you don’t count me and my friends).
It looks bad, right? Check out the font on the awning; look at the poxy ATM on the stoop; what’s up with all the prehistoric gum-spots on the pavement? eww. It looks more depressing than a Newark strip club on Halloween; but that’s the secret of Orange Valve’s magic, whereas Screwface’s magic relied solely on having two heads and four eyes. What? I’m just sayin’.

I love you. You’ll read anything.
See you there.