Raising a son, looking after a retarded uncle, writing, illustrating, and running NJ Skateshop should be more than enough for Chri$ Nieratko to worry about, but he still finds time to dole out valuable fashion advice on a regular basis.
If it weren’t for Chri$, I’d be wearing a G-Star jump-suit and a Mr. T feather earring.
You’ll be pleased to know we’re publishing Chri$’ advice here, verbatim, in a new weekly thing called…

Dear Chri$,
Damion from Denver wants your thoughts on flip-flops.

Damion, Flip flops are reserved for women with pretty feet and men who have had their legs amputated and replaced with those fake plastic feet. Mannequin feet; not those spatula feet that the legless runners use (although i would like to see how fast some of those runners could flip burgers on my grill).
But if you have ugly feet, and this goes for men and women, no flip flops. no sandals, no opened toed anything.
Wear Vans slip-ons. Wear them in the water. Wear them out of the shower. Wear them anywhere, any time you might have the notion of exposing your toes.
There’s a reason that that deodorant company coined the phrase, “Never let them see your feet”: its disgusting.
And socks with flip flops are only acceptable as an accessory to a Hitler-On-Vacation Halloween costume.
My right foot has 5 semi-green toe nails. do you want to see that slid into a pair of flip flops, walking around your patio? Doubt it.
What about closed-toe Birkenstocks?
All weapons of mass destruction should be aimed and tested on the Birkenstock factories.
What about really cool skate flip-flops like these? Screaming Hand; that’s OG.

Your ugly feet will cover the picture, thus negating any cool factor you think you might have had.

Have a fashion enquiry? Hit us up, and we’ll see to it that Chri$ gives you the answers.